My wife still makes fun of me for the microwave pizza incident of 2019. I had leftover pepperoni from the good place downtown — the one with the brick oven — and I nuked it for two minutes. What came out was… sad. The crust had turned into something you could use as a doorstop. The cheese was somehow both burnt and rubbery.

I have since reformed. Here is what actually works.

The skillet method

Put your pizza in a cold nonstick skillet. Do not preheat. Cover it with a lid and turn the heat to medium-low. The cold-start gives the crust time to warm through while the trapped steam melts the cheese from above.

Your pizza is done in about five to six minutes. The bottom will be crisp. The cheese will actually stretch. No doorstop texture anywhere.

Why the microwave ruins everything

Microwaves heat water molecules. Pizza crust is mostly starch and trapped moisture. The microwave boils that moisture — which is why the crust turns chewy and then hardens into a rock the second it cools. A skillet heats from the bottom, crisping the crust while the lid traps just enough steam to melt the cheese without soaking it.

What if you only have an oven?

Preheat to 375°F. Put the pizza directly on the rack — not on a baking sheet. The air needs to circulate underneath. Check at 8 minutes. The cheese should bubble but not burn. If your crust still seems soft, leave it another 2 minutes.

I have also tried the air fryer. It works and it is fast — 3 to 4 minutes at 350°F — but you can only fit one slice at a time unless you have a big basket. For a whole pie, skillet or oven wins.

One weird thing that works

If your pizza was refrigerated and the crust feels damp, microwave it for 30 seconds first — just to take the chill off — then finish in the skillet. The microwave does the thawing, the skillet does the crisping. Do not skip the skillet step or you are back to doorstop territory.

I now look forward to leftover pizza night. Sometimes I even order a large just so there will be leftovers. My wife stopped making fun of me. Mostly.