My toilet seat had been loose for a year. It shifted every time I sat down. I just got used to it. Then a guest pointed it out and I realized I had been living like a person who accepts a sliding toilet seat as normal. It was not normal. Fixing it took six minutes.

The Two Types of Toilet Seat Mounts

Almost every toilet seat uses one of two systems:

Top-mount: You see plastic caps on top of the hinges. Pop them open with a flathead screwdriver. Underneath are screws you loosen with a screwdriver or sometimes just your fingers.

Bottom-mount: The bolts are underneath, between the toilet and the seat. You reach under the bowl rim — wear gloves, it is a toilet — and unscrew wing nuts by hand or with pliers if they are stuck.

If nothing is visible on top, it is bottom-mount. The nuts might be covered by plastic covers you need to pop off first. If they are rusted and will not budge, spray with WD-40, wait five minutes, then try again with pliers.

The Replacement Process

1. Remove the old seat by unscrewing both bolts. Lift it off.
2. Clean the porcelain where the old seat sat. This is the only part that is actually gross. Use bathroom cleaner and paper towels. You will see a ring of buildup — get it all.
3. Insert the new bolts through the mounting holes on the toilet bowl. Most new seats come with bolts and nuts.
4. Position the new seat over the bolts and tighten the nuts. Hand-tighten first, then snug up with a screwdriver — but do not overtighten. Porcelain cracks. Just tight enough that the seat does not slide.
5. Pop the bolt covers closed. Sit on it. It should not move.

Measure your toilet before buying a new seat. Round bowls and elongated bowls take different seats. Measure from the center of the bolt holes to the front of the bowl. Round is about 16.5 inches, elongated is about 18.5. Get the wrong one and it will look ridiculous.