Some nights I lie down and my brain decides it is time to replay every awkward thing I have ever said, plus tomorrow’s to-do list, plus a song I heard once in 2009. Sleep is nowhere in sight.

If you have a busy brain, the usual advice, like counting sheep, does nothing. Here is what actually helps when your mind will not quiet down.

Get the thoughts out of your head

Keep a notepad by the bed. When a thought loops, write it down. Not a journal, just a quick dump: “email the landlord, buy dog food, fix the sink.” Getting it onto paper tells your brain it does not need to keep reminding you, because it is stored somewhere.

This one thing helped me more than any sleep app. The act of writing it down lets my brain let go of it.

The military breathing trick

This is a version of what military pilots use to fall asleep fast. Inhale through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, exhale slowly through your mouth for four. Repeat. Focus only on the counting.

The counting gives your busy brain a single boring job, and the slow exhale activates the part of your nervous system that calms you down. It takes a few rounds, but it usually works.

Make your body the signal

• Keep the room cool, around sixty-five degrees. A drop in core temperature is part of falling asleep.
• No screens for the last half hour. The light and the scrolling keep your brain in alert mode.
• Get out of bed if you are stuck. Lying there awake teaches your brain that bed is for worrying. If you are still awake after twenty minutes, get up, do something boring in low light, and try again.

What I do now

Notepad, slow breathing, cool dark room. Most nights I am asleep in ten or fifteen minutes. Some nights are still hard, but they are the exception now, not the rule.