I used to wake up at three in the morning and lie there doing math about how tired I would be. The more I tried to force myself back to sleep, the more awake I got. Then a doctor friend told me the thing that actually worked.

Why trying harder backfires

Sleep is not something you can force. When you lie there frustrated, your body produces stress hormones that keep you wired. The harder you chase sleep, the further it runs.

What works instead

1. Do not check your phone or the clock. The light and the counting make it worse.
2. Try the four-seven-eight breathing trick: inhale for four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.
3. If you are still awake after twenty minutes, get up and read something boring in dim light.

The breathing trick calms your nervous system, and getting out of bed breaks the association between your bed and being awake. I read a dry manual for ten minutes and I am usually yawning.

What I stopped doing

I stopped reaching for my phone, which was the single biggest fix. The screen light and the endless scroll were doing more damage than the waking itself.

Now a middle-of-the-night wake-up is a brief pause instead of a two-hour battle.