I chop a lot of onions. Probably four or five a week. And I have tried every trick people swear by. Chewing bread. A spoon in my mouth. Goggles (yes, actual swim goggles). Here is what actually works and what is a waste of time.

The science, quick version

When you cut an onion, you rupture cells that release an enzyme called alliinase. That enzyme reacts with sulfur compounds to produce a gas called syn-propanethial-S-oxide. When that gas hits the water in your eyes, it forms a mild sulfuric acid. Your eyes tear up to flush it out. Every “hack” is trying to interrupt one step of this chain.

Method 1: Sharp knife — WORKS (sort of)

A sharp knife crushes fewer cells, which means less gas. This is real. But it is not a cure. Even with my sharpest chef’s knife, I still tear up after onion number two. Worth doing, not a solution on its own. Rating: 5/10

Method 2: Chill the onion — WORKS (mostly)

Put the onion in the freezer for 15 minutes before cutting. Cold slows the enzyme reaction. This actually helps a lot. The onion is firmer and easier to dice, too. Downside: you have to plan ahead fifteen minutes, and I rarely remember. Rating: 8/10

Method 3: Cut under running water or near steam — NOPE

Some people say running water traps the gas. Others say steam from a kettle pulls the gas upward. I tried both. The water splashed onion bits everywhere. The steam just made me sweaty and crying at the same time. Rating: 1/10

Method 4: Leave the root end on — WORKS

The root end has the highest concentration of the sulfur compounds that create the tear gas. If you leave it attached until the very last cut, you minimize how much gets released. This is technique-based, costs nothing, and genuinely reduces tears. Rating: 7/10

Method 5: Light a candle nearby — ACTUALLY WORKS

I did not believe this one. But the flame burns off some of the gas before it reaches your eyes. You need the candle close — within a foot of your cutting board. It smells nice and it is weirdly cozy. Not 100 percent effective for a bag of onions, but noticeably better than nothing. Rating: 6/10

Method 6: Contact lenses — CHEAT CODE

If you wear contacts, you already know this. The lens creates a physical barrier between the gas and your eyeball. It is almost completely effective. I do not wear contacts, so this is useless for me, but my contact-wearing friends confirm it every time. Rating: 9/10 (if you wear them)

My actual routine

Freezer for 15 minutes if I remember. Sharp knife always. Leave the root on until the last moment. Light a candle if I am doing more than two onions. Combined, this gets me through most meals without looking like I just watched a sad movie.